


You ruin me

by FaustLies



Category: Cybird - Fandom, イケメン革命アリスと恋の魔法 | Ikemen Revolution: Love & Magic in Wonderland (Visual Novel)
Genre: ? - Freeform, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Dark, Edgar needs help, Edgar's route, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Forbidden Love, Jonah has emotional problems, Jonah is cute, Love Triangles, Mutual Pining, Non-Mutual Pining, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Romance, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, To Be Edited, Work In Progress, lancelot is an idiot, mc get your shit together, passive-aggressive idiots inbound
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:34:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23901649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FaustLies/pseuds/FaustLies
Summary: Lilac fell to cradle and found herself whisked between a strange politically tense battle between the Red and Black armies. When she is told to stay inside the walls of the Red Army headquarters, however, things start going on.Welcome to a politically tense world, darker than what you've read in Alice in Wonderland...Cradle feels a little bit different.
Relationships: Edgar Bright/Main Character, Edgar Bright/Original Character(s), Jonah Clemence/Main Character
Comments: 3
Kudos: 7





	1. 1

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place during Edgar's route, specifically beginning at the point where they're both in Edgar's room and MC touches his hand.
> 
> If you want to change the used name to your own or to something else, I suggest downloading a google chrome extension such as "InteractiveFics".
> 
> Chapter TWs: None. If you believe a trigger should be added, please let me know  
> Enjoy! :)

In all of Cradle, I had learned to trust one person above everyone else. Maybe it will be a mistake, maybe I'm blind to the kindness that everyone else has shown me. It was true that everyone else had been so kind to me, maybe even kinder than he had so far, but in spite of myself I found myself truly believing in him. Liking him. Maybe I was starting to love him.

"Cheer up, Alice. Have some Mille-Feuille." Jonah pesters me childishly.

And he's not here right now.

I stare across the table at Jonah, consciously shifting my expression to something sweet to ease his clear worries. "Of course." A small chuckle escapes my throat as I pick up the dessert fork and cut right through the pastry, taking a single bite and savoring the flavour. "It's so good. It really is." I can feel the light in my eyes dimly shining, faltering with every fake action. The pain had been there for a few days now, ever since Edgar had refused to talk to me. It was a wonder I felt such a trust toward him.

It all began when he and I had taken a break from the work which I had been assisting him with, and we were sitting on the bedbench at the bottom of his bed. The cold temperate of the room had resulted in Edgar appearing shivery despite us both holding teacups. Though his room was freezing, the layers of my dress were keeping me warm - clearly much warmer than his uniform was keeping him.

"Edgar." I called for his attention and took his free hand to feel is he were cold or not. His eyes widened slightly, his entire body tensing up in surprise, maybe shock. "You look freezing. Is the tea not warm enough? Would you like a jacket?" He stared at my hand on his for a few moments, his expression peculiar. Slowly, seeming to be hesitant in his actions, he looked back up towards me. His creased eyebrows gave me the impression that he was afraid of something. I watched his chest rise and fall at an increasing speed. "Ah, sorry." I let go of his hand and decided to place it on my teacup, but he grabbed it back. Startled by the sudden movement, I dropped my teacup on the ground. He seemed to pay little mind, and he caught my eyes with his, holding us in a deadlocked stare together. He placed his own teacup back on the tray and even as his eyes wandered to do so, mine were still stuck on his.

"Stay. You're all I need to be warm." He caressed his fingers along my hand. "Mm." He hums to himself and looks down at the hands, a sad smile overtaking his expression. I felt myself shift closer to him, almost as if it hadn't been my own action, and he looked at the space between us which I had filled. "Hmm, you shouldn't have done that." He pulled my hand into himself, causing me to involuntarily be so close to him that I was one shift away from being in his lap. I squeaked, and his low chuckle in response sent a shiver down my back. His eyes burned into me, passionate and almost starved. "You have no idea what you've done to me."

I felt myself heat up under his gaze, my cheeks reddened and my eyes were unable to tear themselves off of him - Off of that knowing expression that he wore on his features. I felt my lips part, but I could barely speak.

"Lilac." He made a swift action and lifted my up against him and my breath was caught, suddenly my back on the bed as he leaned over me, a hand behind me and his other to the right of my head. Despite such an action, he hesitated to move. His eyes flickered with conflict. "I can hardly control myself." I could see everything else he had meant to say behind the contortion of his voice; _This is wrong. This isn't like me._

I didn't speak for a moment, but as I released a breath from my parted lips the thought came out of my mouth without any more wait. "You don't need to, Edgar."

It felt sudden again, like chains had slipped off. There was a weight on top of me, and then I felt lips against mine. He tasted sweet, like the candy which he would secretly eat, but more than that. It was a natural kind of sweetness. He enjoyed himself for this moment, savoring the kiss with every pulse more than anything else in the world. His hand reached for my skirts, pulling them up with an unbreaking passion still to my lips, his hand moving up my leg and over my thigh. I took a sharp intake of air from the tingles which shot through my body like electricity. He moaned into the kiss, pleased with himself, and I wrapped my arms around him to keep him close to me, afraid he would snap to his senses and away from me.

His hand shifted to my waist, and his first hand to my legs, bringing me higher on the bed so we could both be comfortably on the bed. He kicked his own shoes off, and I adjusted my legs which were no longer on the edge of the bed. He pulled on the strings of my corset, untying the loop as his kisses started down onto my neck, causing noise to leave me involuntarily as my own hands tugged on his uniform. I pulled on his jacket, undoing the buttons, and slipped it off of him as he pulled away from my neck. He shifted himself up, legs on either side of me. He was sat up now, looking down at me, though we were both sat up.

"I really do need to control myself." His eyes wandered over me, and something in his expression shifted to lock me out. "You make me not want to." I could see something behind the door of his eyes, maybe a worry, but something else. I got an impression that he felt as though he couldn't have me, for some reason or other. I could see the battle in his expression resting solemnly. He lay me back against the bed, softly this time, and fell beside me. He pulled me into him. ""Stay close to me one more minute." He murmured quietly against my skin. Though my disappointment created a tension within myself, I found myself comforting to him.

"It's alright, Edgar." My words were quiet, the broken boy beside me holding me with a tight affection.

Our foreheads met in a intimate understanding, and the energy between us seemed to switch though both of us. "I wish I could have you." 

There wasn't much I could say, so I instead held his hand and let him press his whole body close to me. The two of us held a silent connection between us, something of a conversation about wishes and desires that we could stop ourselves from having, things we couldn't reach, decisions that would break us both. It was all about the same thing, the silence knew that as much as we did. I closed my eyes and rested my head on his chest, and eventually the sudden decrease in adrenaline and the contentedness of each other's company eased us into a lonely rest.

We woke up with a sudden knock at the door, startling him into an awakeness. I stay put, eyes closed and staying quiet but not asleep as the door opened quickly. I, pretending to be asleep beside Edgar, only heard the urgent voice. "Sorry to wake you Edgar but you've-" The voice seemed to cut itself off, and I could almost feel the eyes wander over me, suddenly aware of how loose my corset was, cold air over my nearly-exposed breasts only covered by the thinnest layer of my dress and the loosened strings.

Jonah , at the door, cleared his throat and continued. "You've been busy." He kept his voice quiet and paused for a few moments, stepping inside and closing the door somewhat. He paused for a few moments, and I opened my eyes a just a slither, enough only to see through my eyelashes but still stay under the guise of being asleep. "Your Uncle is here. You weren't answering your door." 

"Yes, we," Edgar paused and looked back at me, "We were just resting. Taking a break." He turned back to Jonah, clearing his throat. "I'll see to him momentarily. In the parlor, I presume?" I could see the side of his cheeks, tinged the slightest shade of pink. Jonah looked back toward me.

"In the parlor, yes." He dismissed the question quickly, eyes still on me. His voice lowered, both in pitch and volume. "You should be careful, Edgar. You wouldn't want to hurt her." He looked back toward Edgar, and then seemed to speak to each other silently, some additional meaning. Jonah turned away promptly toward the door. "I'll tell him you'll be down promptly." The voice he had kept quiet before now normal. 

"Jonah." Edgar spoke with a plead. "Not a word of this to my uncle. Please."

"Not to your Uncle, you have my word." Jonah stepped out of the room and closed the door behind him.

The moment he was gone, I rested my eyelids once again. Edgar stroked my cheek and kissed the one closer to him as softly as ever. He too must have thought that I was still asleep. "I wish I could have you." His voice was delicate as he repeated what he had said to me before. "But you wouldn't like me very much if you knew the truth, and luck isn't upon us, I'm afraid." He covered me with a blanket as if trying to replace his warmth, but the blanket wasn't like him. It felt lukewarm, not enough to feel like him, and not enough to comfort me. It didn't smell sweet like candy, like Edgar.

He sat at his desk for but a moment and I heard the pen. He wrote in what sounded quick motions, and only for a few moments. He spent a few more moments in the room, what I assumed to be him changing by the sounds and location, and walked out, closing the door with a click of the lock. I felt the key in my pocket that I would use to unlock it, and as he wandered away I wondered if I should stay in bed. Even if I wanted to I felt unable to do so, and so I looked out the window.Outside, the only light was the lamps and the only sound was the subtle footsteps of patrolling soldiers. The light showed Edgar and Claudius, his uncle, walking towards a carriage. Even as I watched it leave, a sense of unease filled my chest. ignored it for some time, and eventually found myself getting up and moving quietly around the room and toward the desk to read whatever he had left for me. I was careful to not make any noise as I made my way toward it, and I stopped in front of the desk and picked up the note.

_Lilac,_

_In regards to everything that occurred today, I ask that you forget it. You have a home to return to and I have my duties. Likewise, you will not need to be summoned to work today, as my Uncle has called for me. When I return we will function as we did before. There's a spare key in the sweet drawer if you do not have your with you, at the back._

_I ask you to burn this note, too._

His name was signed neatly as ever at the bottom, but the rest of the note had twinges in the lettering which made it feel as rushed as it was. I folded the paper and slipped the note into the top of my dress, feeling for the key and pulling it out. I fixed myself up quickly, my hair and my corset in particular. Despite having my key, I decided to open the sweet drawer and take some of them before turning my attention to the tea.

The spilled tea on the floor had thankfully not broken the porcelain, and so I used the cloth on the tray to clean the mess and took everything back on the tray, quietly unlocking the door and leaving the room. I was careful not to walk too loudly as I made my way through the halls, listening for guards and watching out for anyone unexpected. The two I had seen were easy to avoid, and soon I was in the kitchen.

I placed the tray quietly down and it clinked slightly upon the countertop beside the sink.I didn't consider the sound it made to be much of an issue with all things considered, and I let out a soft sigh as I moved to turn, but instead of talking any more to myself there was a hand over my mouth and another over my waist to stop from escape. I attempted to move away from the body for a moment, but the grip tightened. "Stop moving, Lilac." I heard Jonah's soft voice and instantly ceased resistance. He let me go from his grip, and I leaned against the counter behind me. "I'll teach you to keep your cover next time."

"What was that for?" I spoke softly despite my annoyance. "Was that necessary?"

"Yes." Jonah spoke plainly. "Every time you sigh you start talking, even when you're alone, and if you had been panicked by my presence you would have done that scream thing you do when you're surprised." He stared down at me. "Regardless, that's not important right now. I need you to answer some questions."

I sighed in defeat. "Go for it."

"See?" He shook his head, and I had to keep myself from rolling my eyes. "Anyway, I need to know the... extent to which you and Edgar have.." 

"Excuse me?" I asked. I had to pretend as though I didn't know he saw us, otherwise he would have known I had been faking my asleep state.

This, apparently, was useless. "Honesty, Lilac. I saw the two of you in his bed before he left. What happened?" He was pouting.

"No reason to worry." I shot him a look, and with hesitancy I reached into the top of my bodice and pulled out the note, slipping it to m=him. "And we didn't... Nothing happened." I turned around. "Would you like me to make tea?" I asked.

"No tea." He said. "Just questions and answers." His voice was quiet as he read the note to himself, and I decided to get myself a glass of water as he did so. "Ah, I see." He cleared his throat. "Well, something did happen, regardless of whether it was sexual in it's nature. Although it must have been, at least with his intent. Laces don't untie themselves and jackets don't slip off." His porcelain face wore into me, and I felt hot under his gaze, remembering the events.

"I suppose not. But, intent... That was there, yes. He mentioned something about having to, uh, keep control because of his duties, I think." I looked up the ceiling. "But that's not something that he'd tell me, and I'm sure we'll be avoiding each other for the next few days regardless."

Jonah nodded, and I brought my head back to face him. "Yes, likely." His voice was soft, maybe sympathetic. He looked down at the note and folded it, passing it back to me. I took it back, almost surprised that he had done so. "If you can hide it well, you don't have to burn it. You may wish to, though." He cleared his throat. "And, uh, of you're not attended to by Edgar for the next few days, as expected, then I have other work you can do to keep your mind busy." He nodded at his own words, turning back around.

"Very well." I spoke quietly in thought. "Thank you, Jonah."

"Oh, and one more thing the mention." Jonah turned back to me with serious eyes. "Edgar had never loved anyone. He has never, until today, kissed anyone or done anything of that nature. He is fragile in the sense." It felt almost like insult to him, but the insight I accepted. "If things do not work out between you and him, be very careful. He does not attract to anyone easily, and there is reasoning for this. You should know him well enough at this point to know that he will lie to you." I felt the comments to be an odd warning, and as Jonah saw himself off, I watched where he had left with quiet pondering.

I stayed in the kitchen, in the darkness. Though harsh in his manner, I had decided that Jonah's warning held good intentions. Even so, I felt watched by the dark by expectancy. To him, to Edgar, to myself. I crept back into my room and the lonely bed inside it, laying there until the sun rose it's light into my room, of which only then I felt myself finally able to rest.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alice wakes up after the events of the night before and begins her work as Jonah's assistant.
> 
> TW: ED alluded to. (Doesn't have one but she talks about not eating and that can be triggering for some.)
> 
> Enjoy!

In the late morning hours, the fresh scent of food has already overtaken my room, and so I decided that it was about time for me to do work for Edgar - No, wait. Jonah, today, I suppose. It took a moment of forced willpower to drag myself out of bed and to change into maidenswear. I tidied myself up the mirror with a frown on my face, thinking about Edgar the night before, how he left such a cold note after acting so intimately with me. Was it really just a problem with him, or was there something about me that also made him stay away? It was such an odd feeling that was created by all of his actions that I gave up trying to decipher the meaning and left my room in a huff.

When I reached the dining room, I was surprised to see three officers all there together, eating. It was such an unusual event that I felt it to be odd. Jonah and Lancelot seemed to be discussing something in a hushed tone with Zero walking from the kitchen to his own place. I watched them for a moment, feeling almost out of place. I had only seen the three of them in the same room a few times before. I got the impression that Lancelot wasn't really the kind of person to be so warm with others as to give them his company.

"Late morning, Alice." The king's words were harsh. "Sit and eat, you're not busy." He signaled to his left, beside zero. In traditional English mannerisms, this would be the seat reserved for the prized guest. I wonder if it might be the same here. Regardless, I walked past them into the kitchen and retrieved myself a plate with a blueberry muffin and a piece of fruit and walked back in the room. Lancelot was sat at the head of the table, and he would be on my right, Zero on my left. I felt as though I might be clued into the conversation between him and Jonah by being requested to sit beside them. Zero scanned me as I sat down beside me, surveying some sort of information about me. Across the table, Jonah gives me a slight head shake, something of a warning, perhaps. Maybe as if to say he had not revealed anything about last night. I think about it for a few moments, staring back.

When I looked back to my muffin, I felt the eyes of each of them resting on me as I split it into multiple sections on my plate. I waited for the officers to look away from me, but they didn't. I picked up a cut section of the muffin with my fork and lifted it to smell it. The three of them staring at me gave a great unnerve, and it made me wonder why I hadn't seen these muffins until this morning. Maybe they had been cooked, but why were they all so intently watching me. I placed back down my fork, unable to bring myself to eat it. The room was silent enough for me to hear Jonah release a breath. I looked up at him and his eyes widened slightly. Was that the warning he gave me? Maybe. I picked up by glass and slowly drank the water instead. I was being stared by in three directions, and when I placed the glass back down I stared back into Lancelot's eyes, a sudden jolt of nerve rushing through me. "What is it?" I snap at him. Lancelot's side-stare filled with some sort of curiosity. His lips pursed ever so slightly and his brow creased.

Zero cleared his throat. "Edgar had a word with us last night that you haven't been feeling well recently." His words were quietly spoken, and I saw him turn away from me in my peripheral vision.

Lancelot pushed my plate closer to me. "He said you needed to eat. That you haven't been eating much and you passed out yesterday because of it."

I looked across the table at Jonah, and he looked down. Lancelot seemed to take particular interest in this interaction. "I've been busy." I shot back as I looked down at my fork. "He's lying. I'm not unwell, and all I have missed is dinner last night and anything that might have been eaten this morning." My eyes flickered over the muffin. 

"That's what concerns me." Zero muttered. "You should eat."

I glared over at him. Then softened my gaze instantly with a shake of my head. Whatever annoyance I felt wasn't particularly due to him, it's not fair to direct it at him. "Well, it's kind of hard to eat with everyone staring at me." The annoyance I felt seeped into my words. They all turned away, looking down at their food or otherwise. I took the top off of one of the muffin's top and ate it, chewing it very slowly. I still didn't quite trust it. "I really do like blueberry muffins." I spoke quietly after swallowing.

Lancelot gave a quiet _hmph_. "It's hard to deny that you're not quite acting like yourself." Lancelot spoke firmly, looking towards Jonah and then back over to me. "You're not usually so... _Chipperless_."

I sighed. "Didn't sleep well. Look, am I here to be berated do do you have something you'd like to take up with me?"

Lancelot looked slightly taken aback, but only for a moment. His expression shifted to peer over me, a dark chuckle of something funny only to himself. "Oh, I'm sure you didn't sleep well at all." He looked over at Jonah again. "Questions I have, but they can be asked another day. I'm sure I'll find out in such time." It was my turn to be taken aback by his words. His eyes still rested on Jonah. "Your duties will lie in Jonah's hands, as I've been made aware that you have been working with Edgar for the past week or so. I'll trust my absolute worst judgement to allow this." He sneered. Jonah kept a straight face, saying nothing and not addressing the King of Hearts. He addressed nothing.

"Very well." I said, picking up the apple and taking a bite out of it. Lancelot looked back towards me from the sound, then up from the tense silence toward the stumbling footsteps. 

"Morning all." Kyle muttered as he slumped down in the seat across from Zero, rubbing his head. "Is this some sort of meeting?" He asked with a groan, squinting from the light.

"Hangover, as per usual." Zero muttered. "For a doctor, you should surely be setting better standards of heath for everyone else. Surely it's not of the best health to be drunk all the time." His cold expression and words were enough to make me giggle slightly. The others looked over at my reaction as I stood up, chuckling to myself.

"I'll be back in a moment." I spoke through chuckles as I headed to the kitchen. I heard talk in the dining room beside us as I whipped up a concoction for him to have as a hangover cure. I came back two minutes later and placed it in front of Kyle. "Drink up."

Kyle looked into the purple liquid and hesitantly lifted it. He shook his head with a laugh and muttered something to himself before chugging it. When he was done he looked down at the residue of the purplish liquid. "Not the worst thing I've had. What's in it?"

"It's best you don't know." I picked up my apple and took a bite. "It was always a useful thing back when I worked as a confectioner in the land of reason, so I know about this stuff." Jonah's eyes seem to light up at the mention of being a confectioner.

Kyle, on other hand, looks confused. "Bakeries and hangovers don't seem to mix too well."

"They do when your coworkers are always hungover." He just nodded in response.

Lancelot cleared his throat and looked over at Jonah with suspicious eyes, however his words still addressed me. "Perhaps we should have you work in the kitchen sometimes then."

"Perhaps." I considered it for a moment. it would be a pleasant way to get over the boredom which overtook me when not busy. "Maybe I should."

Zero shoved his chair our and took his plate. "Yeah, well I'll see you there sometime." I nodded to him and took another bite of the apple as I heard the sound of Jonah's chair moving as well. He handed Zero his empty plate.

"Yes, I have a few things you can make if you are as good as I presume you are." Jonah said. "When you have finished eating, report to my room for our work." I nodded to him and watched him walk off. Kyle followed Zero into the kitchen with the glass, presumably also to get something to eat. I realized I had been left alone with Lancelot, another rare occasion it would appear.

"Jonah was awfully quiet this morning when you were around." He pointed out, an expression of ice.

I look another bite of the apple and thought about it. "Rather so, yes. he does that sometimes." I noted aloud. Lancelot gave me that suspicious look, tilting his head slightly away from me.

"No, he doesn't." Lancelot narrowed his eyes. "I saw him follow you to the kitchen last night." His words were firm.

"Well, I think I may have woken him up. I was carrying a tray of teacups back into the kitchen from my room." I bit into the fruit again with a casual smile.

Lancelot just stared at me for a few moments. "Funny. You didn't come from the direction of your room. You left from one close to the officer's quarters."

"Well, I thought I'd check Edgar's room for teacups since I saw him leave in a hurry earlier. It's my job to attend to him, is it not?" I shrugged. "Besides, why are you so bothered?" I asked.

Lancelot leaned in closer over the table. "Edgar's room is locked." He watched me carefully. I gave him a blank stare.

"Yes, I know that now. I went to check, I didn't get to check." I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

"You and Jonah were standing awfully close in the kitchen, too." I saw nothing in his face. My mind flashed to last night, when Jonah had stepped to mute me from surprise from his appearance to me. I shook my head and sighed.

"You're dodging the question. Why are you so bothered? i'm not doing anything."

His eyes played an accusation among them. "I wouldn't want you to have any influence over any of the leaders." Those blue eyes bore into me. "They can see your soft heart, but it seems people come to you naturally, not because you're a leader but because they like you. I don't know what business you have with Jonah, or why he requested you to work with him, but your actions will be checked upon. Am I clear?"

"Very." I tell him, standing and taking my plate away. "Though you misunderstand my intentions. I'm only here to make others happy. I have no agenda in a place where I never chose to be."

"Then we should have no problems." He says to me as I walk into the kitchen. I clean the muffin and apple core off my plate and walk back into the dining room, and he hands me his plate. I turn back around and clean his plate too. I turn back around and walk into the dining room. He catches my arm, standing by his own chair. I see Zero, still in the kitchen, watching from a distance.

"What?" I snap at him.

He looks amused. "You have a lot of nerve to not address me formally." His eyes narrow, and I can feel how close he is to me. I feel the attempts at intimidation. "Don't think that your fighting spirit has gone unnoticed."

"Okay." I stare back at him. His expression draws in again as he releases my arm.

"You're dismissed to Jonah. Remember that my word goes above his." I nod slowly, turning away and walking straight out and towards Jonah's room. I take a deep breath the moment I lave the room. What the hell was that? Lancelot's usually distant, and he does not get so close to people. Even more peculiar, he doesn't dismiss Jonah's trust like that.

Does Jonah know that Lancelot saw us in walk into the kitchen? I'd better ask.

In Jonah's room with a stack of paperwork in front of me, I decide to ask Jonah about the situation.

"He failed to mention that to me." He leans on his desk in front of me. "But it sounds like he's got the wrong idea about us."

"In what way?" I ask, turning away from the papers I was organizing.

A smirk sweeped over his porcelain doll face. "Nothing, Nothing. Keep to your work." I looked back at the paper, still not moving to work. "That's an order, Lilac." I could see the pout on his face like a whining child and so I lifted my hands to the papers.

My mind wandered for a moment as he read over a document. "Why am I Alice sometimes and Lilac other times?" I asked, shuffling through the papers to organize them. "I know about Alice the first, the whole story, but why do you call me Lilac?"

Jonah's porcelain features tinged. "Ah." He looked away from me and stood up, walking to the window. My eyes followed him. "Well, your company is rather pleasant at times, and you're quite friendly. But Lancelot would think I was overly fond of you if I called you Lilac, and he would assume the same of all officers. Not that I am overly fond of you. I'm not." I could feel the denial but I dismissed it, turning back to the organized papers.

"That makes sense, I suppose." I sighed as I placed the organized piles on top of each other in crossed-over formation to keep them separate, turning and looking back to him with a sigh. "Do you have anything else you'd like me to do?"

"You've finished your work? I admire your ethic. You could be used around here." A small smile appeared on his face, and he walks close to me. I turn back around and feel a hand on my head, petting my hair. I stare confusedly at the wall for a moment before accepting my adored fate with a shrug.

"Take a break for now. I have an army to train in a few minutes or so, and so unless you see any more work that needs to be done you may take a break. I'll make a list." His voice trails off as he stops playing with my hair and wanders back to the window, evidently sensing something outside. "Oh." There are a few moments of silence before he speaks again. "Edgar is returning."

"Oh."

"I wouldn't suggest talking to him about last night." He gave me another smile which softened his doll-like features pleasantly. "Perhaps you should take that suggestion to work in the kitchen tonight, if you so wish to."

"That's a good idea." I smile back at him and stand up, looking back down at my work as I tuck the chair in. "Thanks.'" He grins toward me and I walk over to the door with him. He opens it, accidentally blocking my path, and takes my hand to lead me around him with a smile, then placing a hand on the small of my back to lead me in a more appropriate manner to usher me out. I came face-to-face with Lancelot across the hallway, who was leaving his room at the same time as us. Jonah notices the moment he closes the door, and stands to an instant attention.

"My King." Jonah eases his hand away from my back. "Edgar has returned. Perhaps you should have a word with him. I've suggested that Alice work in the kitchen for dinner, since she completed her work sooner than expected."

Lancelot nodded, looking between us before settling his eyes on me. "Then she should get to it." His eyes shift to Jonah. "Edgar and I have a meeting tonight, he should be right on time." The king's eyes glistened with something that shot a feeling of fear through me - I sensed danger. I stared quietly, and he watched me with intent. "Alice, that was not a suggestion. Go begin your work." His words had a sterility to them. I nodded and walked off quickly down the hall. I caught Jonah's eyes trailing me as I turned the corner, and I heard their footsteps do the same for a while until they parted ways to their individual duties.

=^.^=

It had been four days, and I had followed Jonah's advice and had not spoken to Edgar. We had passed each other in halls, but each time our eyes met I forced my gaze to the ground. I'd been avoiding him and instead working for the Queen of Hearts. My own heart rested so unevenly that despite his affections and kindness toward me, nothing felt settled.

I stare across the table at Jonah, consciously shifting my expression to something sweet to ease his clear worries. "Of course." A small chuckle escapes my throat as I pick up the desert fork and cut right through the pastry, taking a single bite and savoring the flavour. "It's so good. It really is." I can feel the light in my eyes dimly shining, faltering with every fake action. The pain had been there for a few days now, ever since Edgar had refused to talk to me. It was a wonder I felt such a trust toward him.

Jonah watched me from across the table. "It's so good. Really, it is." I smile at him, taking another bite of the Mille-Feuille and and let it dissolve in my mouth.

"Good." He watched me carefully, despite not wanting to seem as if he were. "It worries me that you haven't been eating much in the last few days." He reached across the table and ruffled my hair in some out-of-character attempt to make me smile. "I'd like for you to be happy."

I smiled back and leaned into his hand a bit. He just smiled back and continued to pet my hair. "I am happy. I just feel dejected when people won't talk to me." 

Jonah let his hand slowly fall away from me, tangling a small section of my hair around his finger as he did so. "Well, I'll talk to you." He watched me with soft eyes before looking down at his own Mille-Feuille and taking a bite, quiet but pleased.


	3. 3

It was dark when Jonah and I returned from our small outing, just within the headquarters' border. We were laughing together as we walked toward the building, the dark evening as it was due to the storm clouds which anticipated a downpour for the night, and maybe the next too. I looked up at Jonah with a smile, as we walked, quickly looking back to the ground as to not trip over my own feet and place myself in an awkward situation. Off in the distance, I noticed a white jacket through the darkness. I could recognize the shape. My steps lingered in a slow dawdle.

Edgar crouched onto the ground in the grass near the creek, a solemn expression on his face as he held something out from his cupped hands. Before him were the Creeks, the duck family which he had once introduced me to, with their beaks. Would his white glove be dirty from the ducks? As I watched him for a few moments, it was easy to see what he was doing; He was feeding the ducks some grains before the storm rolled in, and I wondered why he had such a melancholy expression on his face. When he had introduced them to me, he had had the softest smile on his face that I had ever seen, and he had made it clear to me the amount of fondness he has for animals. A flash of that day came to my mind for the briefest moment before I was brought back to reality. Thunder rolled, and the echoing laughter in my head from both the memory and from Jonah beside me came to a halt.

Jonah places his hand on my back. When I face him he gives me a look, one of concern. "Do such loud sounds frighten you?" He asks, softly.

I shake my head. "No, I was just wondering whether storms here would be different." The sky seemed to answer with a rumble in the distance. "I'm supposing that they are not."

He smiled down toward me. "I haven't been to the land of reason." 

"I have a feeling it would not be to your taste." I chuckled. He did the same, and I'm not quite sure why. Regardless, we continued toward the headquarters with a light laugh. When we reached the door, I looked back and noticed Edgar watching us. His eyes had mask of neutrality where before sadness had rested, and I knew he was forming a judgement of some kind. I turn away as I walk through the door. Jonah had opened it for me before I could process the action.

The bright room in which we entered had a quietly noisy demeanor. Many of the chosen 13 were eating their dinners, chatting in a polite manner with each other, though not necessarily cheerfully. Lancelot caught Jonah's eye behind me, and I looked around the table wondering where I should be seated now that there was full company. I scanned the open seats. I didn't want to sit in an open space beside two people who I wasn't familiar with, so I wasn't inclined to take the seat near the window nor closest to the door. Sitting next to Lancelot was an absolute death sentence. The seat next to Zero was open, directed close enough to the exit that it wouldn't be a problem for me to be seated there. Jonah placed a hand on the small of my back as if sensing my uncertainty, and he lead me around.

"Queen Jonah." One of the men addressed him, and Jonah turned toward him. I took a deep breath and stepped away from them, eyeing the seat beside Zero as I approached him. He looked up at me, a softness in that blank face he has as I pull the chair out, making as little sound as possible. One of the soldiers came over to my side quickly to address me, offering to serve some food to me. I politely accepted with a smile. Zero watched me for a moment, and I nervously slipped my eyes away from him only to spot King Lancelot staring at me, advantageously. Maybe this is something I should have asked him about.

"You seem nervous." Zero commented, bringing my attention to the first pair of eyes which were set on me. "Are you alright?"

"I..." I thought of what to say, my words trailing off as I noted Lancelot's eyes still on me. I looked forward toward my plate, and spotted Jonah watching me too. I took a deep breath and looked down. Maybe I wasn't as hungry as I thought. "I'm alright. I just wasn't sure about the formalities of where I should sit, since I usually take dinner alone or in less company. Different worlds." the ambience of the room was causing me to feel an annoying irritation which radiated from my skull down my body. Zero looked away from me, possibly at the sound of two of the officers leaving the room. Lancelot turned to quietly address the two of them, and Jonah seemed to perk up and straighten at the sound of his voice like a dog being called his name. An instant tension left my shoulders and I let out a soft sigh. Zero made a soft humming sound and lifted his fork. I looked back down at my plate and realized I had been fully served food. I turned to attempt to spot the soldier, and found him standing close to the doorway. He noticed my staring and I smiled at him, mouthing a silent "Thank you" as Zero's voice piped beside me.

"There is no need to be worried. We have sworn to protect you for you time being, and we would not harm you."

I hesitated to lift my fork, but I did. "I'm certain I can trust at least some of you." I turned the fork over in my hand a few times. "Not that I'm judging the ability of the army to do so, that's not the question. I wouldn't insult you all as s-"

"Alice." Zero turned to me. "It's alright." His eyes were not cold as Lancelot's were; Instead, they eased the tension I felt, and I knew I really could trust him.

"Thank you, Zero." I smiled at him. His eyebrows knitted together for a second, and he blinked repeatedly for a moment.

"Uh, yes. You're welcome." I opened my mouth, but decided to let it go. Lancelot's farewell to another soldier brought my attention to another set of footsteps at the door, and I looked up straight ahead to peer at the person to whom they belonged. My lips parted ever so slightly as Edgar caught my eyes, and I was quick to bring my attention to placing my fork back down. I wanted to be anywhere else but this room. Just a few bites and then I'll be able to leave, right? Or would that be impolite?

There are reasons that I don't particularly enjoy eating with others. This, in short, is now one of them.

I looked around the now emptier table. Lancelot, Jonah, One other officer, Zero, and now Edgar. Jonah was talking quietly with the other officer as Edgar rounded the table and sat in his typical seat. The ambience was leaving the room. I noticed the nearing lack of food on Zeros plate, and realised I would be alone with the three lead officers and one unfamiliar one quite soon. I pressed my legs together under the table and crossed my ankles, rubbing my shoes together. I was glad they were a softer leather and made only a little sound.

Zero, with a plate unfinished, stood up and bid me a quiet farewell, stepping around my seat and heading toward the kitchen. Like with breakfast, he would probably be staying in there. I swallowed nothing as I watched him leave.

"Alice." The sound of Lancelot's voice across the room made me near jump. The only other sound in the room as Edgar's chair pulling in as he sat down. I turned with a polite smile, making a quiet noise in my throat of acknowledgement. I met his deterring gaze, and I pulled my shoulders as far down as I could. It hurt ever so much, but I didn't want him to see the intimidation. "You are a guest of the Red Army. Considering that, and the lack of others in the room, you should move closer to the head of the table."

I broke our gaze and looked down at the tablecloth. "Would it not be rude to move my seat, considering that I have already been served? I would be so inclined to decline your offer, as such." _Please don't deny it, please leave me alone._

"You have not eaten one thing off of your plate." His eyes bore into my side. I couldn't look to him. "Considering you have not even lifted your knife, I would find it most acceptable for you to come closer." His voice commanded it, and yet I was nearly frozen. My eyes slid over the my right hand, and I rested my fork ever so softly, wanting no sound to come out of the action. At my hesitation, he spoke again. "It is of no question, Alice." _It's an order_. I know.

I pulled out of my chair, standing quietly. I turned to address him. "Might I instead be excused to my room? I am not feeling all too well." My own words grated my ears.

"Perhaps there is a reason for that. Jonah, has Alice eaten anything today?" He asked. Jonah opened his mouth for a moment, closed it to swallow, and spoke.

"Yes, my king, that was no problem. She ate once today." Jonah turned to look at me.

Lancelot nodded. "Though I'm sure it wasn't healthy. If I entrust Alice to you, either of you, then I trust that you will ensure her safety, even from herself." Lancelot's eyes bore into Jonah for another moment, and then to Edgar. The other officer, sensing that he should not be here, stood and was allowed his leave. The solider who had been serving us all took his plate and walked into the kitchen. There was silence.

"My deepest apologies, King Lancelot. I will not fail you again." Jonah repented.

Lancelot nodded in acceptance, turning his attention back to me. Their stares were expecting, and I nodded to my fate, lifting my plate and finding my seat beside Jonah. The four of us were close together now. Lancelot watched as I placed down my plate and walked back once more, retrieving my water glass. Edgar watched me with intent, and I watched him back. Jonah and Lancelot shared a gaze, seeming to discuss something together wordlessly, something coded. The gentle demon continued to watch me without giving the others any mind, almost as if trying to figure something out. Not puzzled, and not quite curious, but more as though he were fitting together the pieces of an interrogation.

"I will assume that when you told us Edgar was lying about you feeling unwell a few days ago that you were lying. Alice, what of not eating so much? Is there a reason?"

"I haven't been hungry very much." I rested my eyes on the plate before me, the quiche on it looking appealing enough. "I suppose it caught up to me today only enough to eat earlier."

Lancelot allowed his eyes to move between Jonah and I. "I see." He looked over toward Edgar, whose gaze still bore into me. "I suppose it's about time that your assistant be returned to you, considering that you will be rather busy over the next few days in headquarters." Edgar didn't respond, he just stared at me. His focus was too internal.

"Edgar" Jonah called out. Zero had happened to walk back into the room, and gave Edgar a slight shove on his shoulder.

"Are you alright there?" He asked, watching the Jack of hearts. Slowly, Edgar eased his attention away from me and toward Lancelot, registering his words late with a double blink.

"Ah, well I thought she was having such fun with Jonah that it would be advantageous for her to stay beside him." His eyes flickered toward me, the inflections of sarcasm meant to cut me. 

Lancelot's expression was almost blank. I took my fork to cut myself a portion of the quiche slice, the meeting of the silver to the bottom like a pin to a floor. "You have a high quantity of paperwork to return to, Edgar. Alice will return as your assistant. That is an order. Do you understand?"

"Very well." He nodded. "She's useful, at least." 

A scoff left me and pushed my plate away from me, rising out of my seat, pushing the chair back. "Alice." Lancelot's voice cut through me. "Eat." He ordered. My glare pushed him, but his eyes were steady.

"Don't call me Alice."

"We're protecting you, and in favor of this you will do as we say. Sit down and eat." I sat back down at the table and turn away with a tisk caught in my throat. Edgar pushes my plate back toward me and I reluctantly lift my knife and fork to cut the food. I cut it quickly, but can't bring myself to lift it toward my mouth. "Jonah, Edgar, hold her down." Lancelot commanded.

I was left but a second to register what was spoken before I heard the shifting chairs and leapt out of my own, striding away from them. "This is absurd!" I complained. Edgar caught my arm and I froze momentarily as he pulled me. Jonah caught my other one just as I slipped out of Edgar's grip, but he wasn't going to let me go. The queen caught my other arm and locked them both behind me, in front of him.

"Get the plate, Edgar." Lancelot ordered, making his way towards us from his own chair as I struggled to escape the hold. Lancelot held a glass of wine in front of me, swirling the liquid ever so much. "Stop moving. Let's get this over with." His golden eyes kept mine even as I squirmed.

"I said I would eat." This wasn't working. I needed to run. "Jonah, please!" I pleaded. My voice squeaked and he loosened his grip just slightly enough for me to slip out. Even so, Edgar was ready and pushed me down into a chair. I stared at him, a silent beg passing me as my eyes started to water as I felt Jonah hold down my arms. He knew I wasn't ready to hurt anyone, nor to kick Edgar, so he held them gently this time. His pet made a soft petting motion against my skin.

"It'll be easier if you don't struggle. We're not going to hurt you." I looked over toward Zero, who was standing in the kitchen doorway. He looked conflicted, and couldn't do anything more than turn away. "You trust your Queen, don't you?" I gave him confused scoff.

"Yes yes, how sweet." Lancelot mocked as he ducked down in front of me. "Now, food and wine for the lady. Edgar, the quiche."

"This is unnecessary."

"Your actions have indicated otherwise." Edgar prepared a piece onto the fork, standing for a moment in uncertainty as to whether he was to feed me the damned quiche. Lancelot shifted himself away from me, and Edgar brought the food to my lips. His soft voice told me to open my mouth, but I could barely acknowledge his soft voice made as if to lure bunnies to a violent death. When I didn't respond, he brought his other gloved hand to my lips, running a finger along it. His gaze told me everything, even before he spoke.

"Do as I say, Lilac." I blinked a few times fast, and contendingly I opened my mouth. My heartrate seemed to accelerate by the moment with an aching pain as it slammed against my ribcage. He slipped the fork into my mouth and slipped the food in, his pinky finger resting on the bottom on my chin as if there to ensure I chew the food. The sensation bothered me greatly. "There's that good girl."

He stroked my cheek. He held my gaze as he fed me, only looking down toward the plate to stab the servings and notably at Lancelot a few times to note whether he had reached satisfaction with my intake or otherwise. I ate the entire piece, in the end, and he merely watched, giving his two next-in-commands off looks too, as if they had committed wrong acts. 

"These two seem to subdue you just as much as they fire you up." He teased, this time directedly toward us all as an insult instead of just given to me. Except, it wasn't much of an insult, I suppose, with how much of it is actually true, thought I would say it's a bipartisan split between the two. Jonah was the more calming presence, and in spite of his name, Edgar was by far the less gentle of the two, only soft in his voice and his skin. His words were biting, sharp, and would be the lead to my fire, much akin to oil. And yet, even so, neither angered me the way the King himself, Lancelot, could. "Well, my turn it is." He stands perfectly tall, sweeping his hands up. It takes only a moment for me to acknowledge what this means, and Jonah pulls me out of my seat. Had I realized before just how much Lancelot towers over me? I don't know why I try to step back as he approaches me, but he chuckles and steps closer even still. "No no, Alice, Stay right here." His words are practically a growl. He grabs my arm and pulls me closer, and I feel my chest rising up and down. "Jonah, release her arms." He pulls me overly close, and I try to step away again. I don't know why, because it's a useless action. He seems to get irritated by this, but he steps closer even so. My back hits the table; I whimper in surprise. He steps close enough that I could feel the fabric of his cape against my arms. He hold my hand behind me, keeping me close. Pure intimidation.

"Why are you doing this?" My voice is a whisper. I can't meet his eyes. Defeat.

He laughs in his throat, a low and evil sound. "You have a problem with obedience. That will change right here." He lifts the glass to my lips. "You must obey my orders. All of our orders." His lips form a smirk, one quite befitting. "Although, I'm sure they don't have even nearly as much of a problem with you following their orders as I do, all things considered." Edgar and Jonah have unreadable yet twisted expressions on their face as Lancelot turns his head to run his eyes across his two officers. He turns back as he tips the glass, and I part my lips to ensure that it doesn't spill over and ruin our clothes. "Don't look so worried," he teased, "it's not strong enough for intoxication. It's just to keep you under control." I let the deep red liquid percolate and stream down my throat as I swallow.

As the glass drains, I can't think enough. It goes quickly enough, and I shiver. He pulls it away from me and places it on the table behind me, now both of his arms locking me against the table. I lick my lips, the wine feeling as if it had taken effect pretty quickly. "That's not..." I shake my head and let out a breath. Queasiness sets in, though this time internally. "Nothing, nothing."

Lancelot's eyes bore into me, his expression cold, blank. Tears streamed down my face, an uncontrollable force. He spoke, "Now, you're going to rest for the night, and in the morning you will be woken up to join us for breakfast. You will resume your work with the jack of hearts. Am I clear?" I nodded immediately, unable to make a sound in fear of allowing myself to sob freely in front of them. "Go on then, Alice." He moved his arms and stepped back a bit, enough for me to go. "You're dismissed."

I bolted out of the room.

No one chased after me, not even when I ran past the rooms and down the stairs, out a side door of the castle. The rain - for which I had neither accounted for nor even had the awareness of beforehand - clattered and poured against me, and I shivered. I did the only thing that I felt I could accomplish at that point, and I stepped around the castle and into a crook in the corned of a wall, leaning against it and sobbing. It was barely out of the rain. My sobbing was hard, and the rain too was hard, but my tears fell harder than any rain could.


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An aftermath of an unfortunate event.

It could feel the hours passing by. The clattering rain assaulted the edges of my shoes, and in turn, my ankles too. The uncomfortable stockings that I had to wear under my dress were soaked, and there was by no means a proper reason why I should still be here. Perhaps by virtue of my own fear though, I still was.

If I would have to guess, I would probably say that I had given up on standing about 2 hours ago, after my legs had felt sore with the exhaustion of the day. My eyelids wore heavy, and my gaze could barely fix upon anything. Through the thin glaze I watched the trees be pulled with the wind, which I was barely protected from by the walls of the castle. No one had been sent out for me; If they had, they had either not found me or left me to my own pity. I could feel my own words in the back of my head, a distant yell telling me to make a break for it and return to the black army. _Maybe if I returned to them, I won't feel this way. Should I have ever gone with Edgar?_

But these are foolish thoughts. Returning to the black army would inevitably lead to a lack of my belongings, which would in turn lead to being stranded in Cradle for the rest of my life. There was far too much animosity in that. _Then, what of my relationship with Edgar? Was I ever really planning to return home?_ Well, if I had decided against it, I certainly wasn't sure anymore. Edgar had been so nice up to the past few days. _Everything went wrong after we shared that bed. Everything was fine before_. Not only that, but I have barely enough energy to breathe, let alone run.

Somehow the freezing rain was ready to beat down harder, and it did just that. I had been soaked in my dress for hours already, a few more couldn't hurt. But there, again, that voice in my head that must despise me speaks again, telling me to leave, not even the slightest amount of urgency in it. Maybe I have more conviction than that voice. Maybe I could just leave, for a little bit?

Or maybe I'll catch a fever and die in a world which favors magic over medicine.

I pull myself up, shivering against the wall to which I lean. I haven't seen anyone as of yet, but this was something I needed to be alone for. No clicks of shoes, nothing at all. The breath that I let out is visible in the - what must be mid-January, if months are even the same here - air. The feet that move forward in the rain barely feel like my own, and yet there I am by the edge of the premises, not too far away from either in or out. All I would have to do is follow along the wall for a few more seconds and I would be by the forest.

There's a quiet clicking sound muted by the rain from behind a pillar, as if I were being followed by a storybook villain. My feet stop, but I don't turn around.

"My my, Lilac, you seem awfully weak right now." Could I even deny such words?

I peer toward the dim light of the headquarters windows, then around to Edgar. I startle a bit at just how close he is, and bump into the wall behind me. He holds an umbrella over himself, watching my carefully with a strange kind of smile. If it were lighter I could decide whether that look on his face is amusement or pity, but all I can tell for certain is that he's examining me closely. Directly. I open my mouth, but without anything legible in my mind I feel no voice and close it. He shakes his head softly, making a soft _tut_ sound that echoes off the wall. "Come now, or you'll be sick if you aren't already so." He reaches out toward my arm but I flinch at his hands. They're cold. His eyes flicker away for a moment down to his side, as if hurt. 

I let out a shaky breath and step closer, reaching out toward him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to." My voice was hoarser than I was expecting, and I let out a slight cough afterward. He slowly lifts his own arm, reaching out again to pull me closer. I didn't try to escape. He pulls me close enough that my head is not in the rain, and he wraps my hand over his arm as if I were being escorted somewhere. Well, actually, I suppose I am being escorted somewhere. "Are you sure I can hold your arm? Won't it soak your uniform?"

He looks down at me, the softness in his eyes direct toward mine in a way that almost makes me believe that being this close to a man like him is dangerous. "You have nothing to worry about. I was preparing to change anyway." His smile falters in a way I have never seen before; Not from curiosity, but a way that makes the glassy look in his eyes fit. "For now, you should be inside immediately." 

His words are simple enough for such a complex person that I go with them.

He pulls my to a side door and tells me to wait for his return. I do exactly that, shivering against the wall. Each passing minute tells me that I am such a damn fool for not just either running or locking myself in my room. The time alone again gives me more moments to think about the sadness in Edgar's eyes. I peer toward the moon regretfully, the maxing semi moon warning me that I don't have more than 10 days left here. It must be past midnight by now, and I the only thing I feel is cold.

He returns with a heated blanket that he wraps around me immediately. "We can't have you leaving wet footprints all over the carpet. You shouldn't be disturbed at such an hour for something like that, now should you?" His words don't feel as though they hold that regular charm in spite of how similar it is.

"How did you know I would be there?" The question, even from my own lips, feels sudden.

Edgar watches my eyes for a moment, then speaks. "I waited for you."

"You must be freezing." My lips stay apart, my tongue behind my top teeth. "I'm sorry."

He gives me a soft smile, a real one. For some time, he just stares at me. When he speaks, his voice is velvet. "Even when you're in trouble you don't worry about yourself. You really are just so..." He trails off and looks down to the ground. His smile falters again. "...so very interesting." His lips twinge as if uncertain of where they should be. 

There's silence, and I wrap the blanket around me tighter. moving my legs so that they dry quickly too. "I don't try to be."

Edgar was quiet for a moment. "I'm sorry about dinner." He presses his lips together. "And for acting coldly toward you." He peers away from me.

"It's not your fault, Edgar. None of it is." He is quiet in an uncharacteristically intrinsic way. He pulls toward himself. "None of it is your fault." I repeat.

"You..." He inhales, slowly. "You can't know that for sure." He doesn't seem sure of himself. I shiver in the cold wind, even with the thin blanket around me. Before I can speak, he draws himself back out of his state. "Let's get you inside."

I drop the subject.

Edgar leads me - okay, it's a lot more like sneaking - through the headquarters, pulling me behind him and around guards. I wonder how he could have gotten so good at such a thing, especially since a person of his rank should be identifiable instantly to guards and the likes. Nevertheless, I find myself led through the hallways and into a room I have not yet been in: It was the bathroom connected to Edgar's room, the door for which beside his desk.

"Won't this seem extremely suspicious?" I ask quietly, considering the face that Lancelot had held the moment that he had suspected Edgar of being too keen towards me. Edgar turns to face me. I can feel the wall two paces behind me, the distance between us again as it was minutes ago. It was hard to swallow, and my eyes couldn't bring themselves to meet his. 

"Lilac." His look, something of sympathy, bore into me and I felt like I would somehow burst under it. "What a strange question to ask me after we've just avoided being seen by all people. A question like that might make a person think you want to be alone with them." He moves closer, and I feel myself stutter back just a little bit, lips parting. What is this game that he feel he must play with me? Maybe I don't mind it so much, though. Edgar runs his eyes down over me, and on their way up I finally meet them, as if his gaze had lifted mine. gasp slightly as I feel my chest tighten. Air seems to pass right through me.

I can't form words. 

There's a light of sadness in his eyes, which makes his delightful smile falter. I catch his arm, sensing his instinct to step back. His eyes twitch and his head tilts ever so slightly like a wolf examining a small animal. I let go of his arm instantly and clear my throat. 

"Ah, forgive me." I don't know what to do, so I turn away and incidentally face them wall. "I don't know why I did that." 

The room lacks any source of movement, and it feels as though such a moment may never cease itself.

Luckily, Edgar despises a lack of event. He hums softly to himself and suddenly touches my arm, spinning me around and against the wall. I face him, and he smiles down at me. His smile dawns down on me, and I suddenly really feel like I have been trapped by him. It isn't frightening, though. He stands close to me, and I feel his presence warmer than the thin blanket I had by now dropped to the floor. He lingers close, and I can feel his breath on my neck as he leans close, into me. I'm unsure what I should do, so I take a deep breath and place my hand on the side of his neck. It feels natural, and I hear a quiet sound from him. He pulls away enough to meet my eyes, and I want nothing more than for him to lean forward and give me his lips. The heart beating against my chest is almost deafening but I want the sound to continue. I can't help but hear it, each thump counting another second that he stares into my eyes. He moves closer, and I hear his breath hitch in his throat.

Like me, he might be unsure. The air moves only around us, and the next move he makes feels sudden.

I welcome his kiss. The instant heat that pulses through me moves down, and I can feel everything at once. His body presses closer to mine, against the wall in a light way of pinning me there, making sure that I can't leave. I don't want to. His hand runs down from my arm to my waist, pulling my into his ever so slightly. It's a slight but needy movement, and I lean into it. Our lips part for small moments, ones of needed air and of travelling mouths. I feel his lips against my neck and I can't help the sound that leaves my throat, my chest moving up and down rhythmically and succinctly. I pull him closer as if it were possible. Our lips meet again, and I tug on his jacket.

I can feel his hand pull the still-damp string of my corset behind my back eve slightly, and movement must remind him to take a moment to breathe. His eyes scan over my face, and all over his is need written. It's happening again, what happened last time we were at such a moment: He is restraining himself, and now he has a direct excuse.

"You're still cold. You'll get sick." His words are near to a whisper. His hand slides from my back to the side of my waist again, and he pulls me close, softly. Our lips meet again, but this time his kiss is sweet, like the candy he loves so much. "Come on, let's get you warm." He has that sad smile on his face again.

He offers to run a bath for me, but I tell him a shower would be far more preferable given the circumstances. He tells me he will retrieve some clothing for me. When he leaves, I undress and allow myself to wind down from the incident. The steaming water warms my skin, but it feels lacking without the touch that could have been against it.

When I'm done showering and dressing myself appropriately to be seen, I open the door to walk back into Edgar's bedroom and find him speaking to someone out in the hallway. I stay quiet and hide.

"She's safe"

"She's not in her room" There's a moment of quiet, as if Jonah has sensed my presence in the room. "Is she in there? Or did you do something to her?" Jonah's voice is a soft yet harsh whisper again. He steps into the room, past Edgar, and I step out from the bathroom. "Ah, Bianca. You're alright." Despite the indignant look he is trying to make, his shoulders relax and he lets a breath out.

"I'm alright, yes." Jonah barely listens to me, instead stepping toward me and examining me as if I were a forged document.

"You ran off."

"Did you expect me to stay after all of that?" My voice comes out far more indignant that I expect it to, but it doesn't feel underserved. Jonah shifts his eyes away and sighs.

"No," he shakes his head, "but I would have liked to know that you were safe. Were you in the rain?"

"I didn't want to make too much noise since it's probably quite late by now, but yes, I was in the rain."

He huffs about it. He doesn't have to tell me that I could be sick for me to understand his twisting expression. The genuine concern is heartwarming. 

"It is quite late, you should return to your room." He turns away. "You're going to feel tired in the morning if you don't."

"You're the second in charge, shouldn't _you_ be asleep by now?" he peers back at me for a moment before repeating his words, softly this time. I thank him, and he walks out again. He doesn't close the door, and I suspect he is waiting for me to follow him out of the room. I give Edgar a small smile, a nod, and a quiet "see you tomorrow" before I follow him out.

Jonah is silent as he watches me wander down the hall and towards my room. I turn back towards them, and Edgar stands at his door watching me just as closely as Jonah does. 

When my eyes are closed, I can feel the moment with Edgar again. It comforts me through my dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NaNoWriMo is happening, so I haven't been on this fic a lot. I almost have it completed, so I can add a final chapter count probably with the next update, and then regular chapters will be uploaded.


	5. Chapter 5

When I awoke in the late morning, barely having gotten any sleep, I instantly knew that something was wrong with me. I let out a hearty cough and shook my head. Lifting my hand to my forehead, I feel the peppering sensation that occasionally I would see with the ill children who lived in the apartment beside mine back in London, the few of them having to stay inside for the majority of their small lives especially prior to being required to work at the mere young ages that children of my time were required to. It was a wonder they were still alive, but that wasn't the point.

I sigh and stare at the ceiling. A burning fever, it seems to be. Maybe, if I am unlucky, it would be a flu; But a flu would require for me to have caught the illness from someone else, and so the fever was the most probable. The cold rain, that's what would have done such a thing to me. I close my eyes and make a harsh sound of annoyance, quite similar to that of a groan. _Of all the things_ . Whilst not unexpected, it was still most bothersome with all factors considered. I mouth a silent _why_ to the ceiling, sitting up in order to determine how ill I really am. The instant nausea that hits me is a firm indicator that I will be bedridden for some time. The only potential savior? A magic cure.

Actually, maybe quite literally, if it existed in Cradle.

But I don't suppose such a thing did exist, and so I sigh and get up despite the sickly heat shivers that overtake my body. Reaching the mirror, I see my flushed out face and the almost cherry shade of my cheeks. The cold room does little to ease the burning I feel on my skin, nor my throat. I hear a quiet knock on the door and try to make a sound, but my voice barely makes a sound and so I can do nothing but cough. The door, however, opens anyway, and Jonah walks through the door.

"Alice, you're up la-" He stops his own words, looking over me; Frail, a mix of deep strawberry and a paler shade than the wall, and most definitely not well. "You're ill. What are you doing out of bed?" He shakes his head and struts over to me, picking up my entire body with very little effort and a belligerent amount of protest. He almost tosses me back into the sheets from his sheer walking pace.

I can barely bring myself to say anything at all, but I muster quietest "Sorry" that he had maybe ever heard. He looks down at me and sighs deeply, a strange expression on his face that could only indicate to my displease.

He stares over me, almost as if unsure how to handle the situation. "Was it from being in the rain yesterday?" He simply asks, raising his hand to my cheek and softly placing it under the pretense of checking my temperature.

I nod slightly. "Edgar told you, then?"

His eyes shift away from me, downcast to the floor slightly with a teary pout. "Of course he did." He sighs as his voice lost it's volume. "And of course you ask about him. I suppose there is no worry of you needing to assist me today instead since he's out, but it is quite a shame that we can't go ahead with todays plans." He shifts to stand somewhat closer to me, higher near the bed, and lowers himself to be essentially kneeling on the floor. The solemn expression on his face shifts seemingly on it's own, lips pressing into a thin line as he watches over me. "No sarcastic comments back from you either, nothing."

I continues to say nothing, watching the obvious expression on his face in regards, perhaps, to yesterday's events. Guilt, written so plainly to see that even a child could read it with once quick glance.

"Lilac." His word sounds strained, like a soft, light struggle. "I'm sorry about what happened yesterday. I would never have done something like that if..." His words can't find themselves, and he appears to be in contemplation.

"You were just following orders. It's the same everywhere you go." My dismissive words physically take him aback, and his expression deepens.

"I'm sorry. I really-"

"I heard you." I speak plainly. There's so little care in my words that they were the coldest thing I seemed to be able to muster.

He stares at me in absolute silence, then closes his eyes to stand and turn away. An apology, he most likely thought, is pointless on me when I am still feeling such affects. "I'll bring you something to eat, whether you do or not is up to you. Kyle will be here soon to check on you." He peers over me for but a moment before leaving me once again. In all honesty, some food didn't sound terrible, but the hunger I should have felt was overtaken by the surprise that Jonah hadn't doubled down on such an apology, proclaiming something about being the best or how I should feel absolutely honored to be apologized to by _the_ queen of hearts. 

_Good. At least he knows he screwed up._

But Lancelot doesn't, and it didn't seem as though Edgar really had cared so much yesterday about my condition. In the end, it really wasn't either of their faults that I was hiding in the rain for so long. They were only the precedent for me to do that, the spark that led me there. But really, did it matter when they simply didn't care? It was just something that would force me to stay in my room for the meantime, and more importantly in the iron clad grasp of the red army. At this rate, I'll be stranded in Cradle for another moon. When someone is this sick, there's really not much they can do. I think back over the conversation - or semblance of such - that I had just held with Jonah. I have never seen him kneel before, ever, for any reason. Nor apologize. Maybe it was hard for him to do, to swallow his pride the amount of all the uncharted seas present in the world I knew, the one I couldn't return to. Maybe it was a mistake to be so blunt in my words, but the regret was minimized by the soft feeling of the memory of hands holding me down.

It's not long before I hear the door reopen, and I'm ready to be given medical attention by Kyle as he walks in. "Jonah told me you were in the rain yesterday."

"To put it simply, yes." I peer over to the door where Jonah lingers. I'm almost tempted to say something, but it strikes me as odd to do so and so I simply listen to Kyle scold me for doing something too dangerous when I'm in such a state.

My checkup is routine, pretty much, just replaced with magic items. A thermometer-like device, a cooling pad for my forehead, and water. A lot of water. Jonah turns to the door, and a soldier follows in to place a tray with food - what seemed to be soup - on my bedside table. It isn't optimal to eat, and I most certainly am not inclined to do such a thing in the presence of Jonah after the night before, but I decide that I will eat it when I am alone, or at least in the presence of only Kyle. I utter a quiet thank you to the soldier as Kyle gives me a checkup. 

"I suppose I'm not going anywhere today, then?" I speak quietly. "Not that I would be allowed to, really."

"Edgar still has you on lockdown?" He asks, placing the damp cloth on my forehead. 

I want to squirm at the weird sensation, but decide to bear it. "He does."

"He must be up to something." He shakes his head. "There's no reason other than that why you're here, right?"

"He said it was something about the thieves who took my belongings possibly still being after me, and wanting to watch over the investigation." There was a moment of silence. "You don't think that he is really up to something, do you?" I ask. I trust him, there's no reason why I shouldn't, is there?

Maybe there is. When so many people suggest something like that, there has to be a reason.

"We don't call him the gentle demon for nothing." Kyle makes a small scoff sound, not really of dismissal but more to chuckle at the idea. "Isn't that right, Jonah?"

Jonah steps away from the door and toward us like a rejected animal from a pack. It was strange, uncharacteristic, and looked physically uncomfortable. "It's in his nature, as the Jack of hearts." He hums to himself thoughtfully, peering over at me. "There's not much else to it. He always has an ulterior motive. What other reason should he have than that to smile all the time?" He speaks as if with some knowledge that we didn't possess. Kyle and I meet each other's eyes with a look of query. 

But we don't bother to ask.

"Maybe I just don't know him well enough to really know who he is." I mutter.

"He seems to have opened up to you pretty quickly." Kyle comments.

Jonah muses at the idea, "Maybe he feels no threat to you, since you're supposed to leave so soon." He shakes his head. "No, that can't be it. He wouldn't have even given you his attention if he didn't really find you interesting."

"I couldn't really be certain." I shrug halfheartedly, my mind elsewhere as I cover my mouth to cough.

"Drink some more water, the food will help you too." Kyle comments at the sound. I just nod and sip from the given cup, sitting up some more so that it will be comfortable. Jonah stands at the edge of the bed, watching me do so, and quickly casting his eyes away so that I would be more comfortable.

He clears his throat and looks toward the window. "Training drills will be continuing soon. We will need to leave you to rest, Lilac. Will you be alright alone or would you prefer for a guard to be here to attend to you?"

"I'll be alright." I look towards my food, then to Jonah. "But thank you for taking care of me."

Jonah catches my eyes, his own clouded with thought as we peer through the mist in each other's gaze. I feel my heart push against my ribcage. I look away, and as I do so I notice his pink-grazed cheeks do the same.

"Yes, right." He turns to leave. Kyle looks between us before muttering something about a hangover and following Jonah out, leaving me with a quick "take care".

And just like that, I'm alone again. As soon as the door closes, I reach over to the tray and rest it on my lap, undoubtedly hungry and needing the energy to get better. _If it helps, it helps, right?_ I can't get back home if I am dead, after all. But what was that feeling that just met me when I stared at Jonah? _It's nothing, nothing at all_. I tell myself as I spoon the broth into my mouth, glad to have something to ease my scratchy throat.

Really, though, there's not a lot to do when you're absolutely bedridden except for eat, drink and sleep. And that's exactly what I do.

When I awake, there are two very familiar voices outside my door discussing something, almost argumentatively. I keep my eyes closed, trying to focus on the muffled words in a feeble attempt to understand what they're saying and, well, eavesdrop.

"You watched... rain and get myself sick... nothing... for how many hours?" Jonah's voice sounds annoyed. 

"...wasn't my decision... feed... retrieve..." Edgar's voice is much quieter, much more difficult to hear. He doesn't have any infliction in his voice to give away any emotion, and through the walls I can practically feel the smile he's holding. I cough loudly in the hopes of interrupting them, to which I hear their voices quiet down. Successful in my attempts, it would seem, there's a pause of silence for the shortest of moments before a knock at the door and an almost immediate entry by the two men. I take this moment to notice that it's dark outside. I must really have needed to rest.

When the two walk in, Jonah instantly makes his way through the doorway and toward my left side, where Kyle had been prior. Edgar moves more gracefully, sweeping across the room and to my other side.

"You really are ill." Edgar's eyes are as cloudy as river with a layer of dirt beneath the surface water, swirling in such a manner that darkens it. It's not a look of pity, nor worry. It feels familiar to one that Jonah had cast earlier, but darker, more shroudly. Not the guilt that Jonah had, a different kind of feeling. I couldn't break the surface tension to clear that river.

My mind focuses on those words, and the lack of substance that they could hold. "If it wasn't obvious enough." Beneath the sheets, I dig my nails into my hand. Jonah takes a peak toward the plate of food beside my table when he believes that I'm not looking and I hold in a scoff. 

Edgar, with that same broken-harlequin smile, takes the moment to place a hand on my forehead. It's pleasantly cold against the fever, but it gives me an internal sense to shiver. "Most certainly, it is quite obvious indeed. The rain will do that." He speaks poignantly and pointedly. That river swirls, and I can feel it drawing through me as well with his words.

Jonah makes a small sound and I look toward him, the haze fading away slightly to bring me a small smile. He, however, has that soft pout on his face. "Are you two done yet?" He doesn't meet my eyes. We are opposingly magnetized. Edgar moves hand to hover the back of his fingers just beneath my chin. The freezing sensation radiates off of him. "Edgar-"

"I merely wish to check that our guest is alright. Is that alright with you, Queen Jonah?" Nothing about the sentence feels natural. The two lock eyes like rams with their horns. I clear my throat.

"I feel a lot better than I did this morning, though I suspect my fever might remain a few days."

"Kyle held the same sentiment." Jonah nods, breaking his stance. "You require some more rest though. I've already asked Kyle to prepare treatments for you so that you don't have to suffer." He scans my eyes as he kneels over the edge of the bed, like he has the audacity to do so. I nod slowly.

"Thank you, Jonah." A light smile should make him feel better.

The two are interrupted by orders to return to their duties. Before I rest again, Jonah visits twice more to check on my condition, Edgar checking on me and giving me a promise for a picnic when I am feeling better. I get a strange feeling that I'd done something wrong in the past few days by not eating, but I know that can't be right. In my dreams, I am sitting at a table with the members of both parties, Blanc, and a few others there having tea, but I am not sitting with them; I am on the table, holding the teapot in my lap and deserts in my hands, hindering me from moving at all unless to otherwise disrupt the party. Pondering, sitting quietly and watching as Jonah takes some Mille-Feuille and eats in his strange ways, Edgar eating bright cupcakes besides the Queen of hearts in a manner that bothers him so. A fog surrounds me, and I wait.


End file.
